


Operation: Devirginizing Erik Lensherr

by Thuglein



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Oneshot, WIP, add as i go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thuglein/pseuds/Thuglein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles is transplanted into a parallel universe where he never met Erik and works as courtesan. But he remembers everything (canon after XMFC but before XMDoFP) and he needs to get back to his own universe. The problem is, he's starting to like being courtesan Charles. </p><p>Despite the fact that everyone seems to want to fuck him.</p><p>And Raven (his enstranged sister, at least THAT he's familiar with) who keeps trying to get him to help her some agent gone rogue. She thinks he can make him be good enough to be captured. He's starting to think she's right.</p><p>Then there's that strange feeling that he's being watched, like 24/7, by very intense eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation: Devirginizing Erik Lensherr

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd
> 
> Lots of line breaks. This story is not meant to be taken seriously.

Charles knit his eyebrows in concentration, straining.

“Come on, come one, just..a..little…high—” the wheelchair rocked a little.

Then it rocked a lot as it slipped, the lock disengaging completely and Charles rolled back.

His tried to grab at something to prevent it, then he was careening towards the stairs. Or rather tipped over them. There really wasn’t enough distance to  _careen_  towards them.

In his head he said,  _If only inanimate objects had minds. Like that rug. Or that banister. Or this damned wheelchair._

Out loud there was only a sharp, “Ahshitfuck” before the air rushed past him and he kissed the floor to oblivion.

 

* * *

 

Charles groaned, sore.  _Why couldn't it have been one of the narrower staircases; maybe I could have gotten stuck and hollered for Hank._

He shifted, unwilling to get away from the warm softness. He willed himself to go back to sleep, to sink back into the velvet sheets and the land of dreams. Velvet sheets.  _Wait._ He didn't sleep in velvet sheets. Just plain cotton, those were easier and less expensive to replace after one of his drinking bouts. He blinked his eyes open, seeing a wash of dark red threaded with gold. He was lying on his stomach, cheek smooshed into a very fluffy pillow. He slowly pushed himself up, wincing at the soreness of his lower back. He looked around the room he was in. The curtains were drawn so there wasn't much light to see by. From what he could make out, the room was large and elegant but impersonal. He glanced back onto the bed and promptly backtracked, almost falling off. There was another body on there. A breathing, live body. All he could see from was a bare back and wild, black hair. Upon closer inspection, he could see the broad back was smattered with scars. 

When he leaned-shuffled closer to try to get a better look, that's when it hit him. He looked down in disbelief and fear. He reached out a hand, grazing the skin lightly, as if it were made of the finest glass. He jolted, pulling his hand back in shock. And he stared. And stared. With a few tentative touches. And stared some more.

Then he wiggled his toes and broke out into a wide grin, stretching his legs. His LEGS. He could feel them! He could move them! He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and gingerly stood up, expecting to collapse. But he didn't. They were strong, unbroken and supporting his weight as he took a few steps. He walked slowly around the room, studying them. He couldn't believe it! All he remembered was reaching for something on an upper shelf and falling down. This wasn't a dream was it? He pinched his right leg, grinning when he felt the mild sting. If all it took to fix his legs was falling down a flight of stairs, then he would have thrown himself off one ages ago.

He's startled from his excitement and wonder by a soft groan on the bed. He looked up to see his bed partner waking. When the stranger sat up, Charles blinked at the rogue before him and thought,  _Not my type_. A small, traitorous voice at the back of his head piped up to say,  _And what is your type? Auburn hair? Green eyes? A lithe body? Magneticism mutation?_  Charles scowled, glaring at the voice and telling it to shut up. 

"Hey, bub, not that I mind, but what are you standing there nude and scowling for?" a gruff voice said from the bed. The man (Charles couldn't see any breasts, just hair and more scars) stretched out, groaning. The man seemed familiar.

"I-um, don't seem to remember what happened last night. Would you care to refresh my memory?" Charles asked, self-conscious of his nakedness. He hurried back to the bed, covering himself with a part of the bed sheets.   _  
_

The rogue (Charles felt justified in calling him that because he looked like a ruffian, with the wild spiky hair framing his face and viscous glint in his eyes) grinned at him. "Oh, I don't mind  _refreshing_  your memory."

Charles felt flustered, trying to come up with some kind of reply when the door burst open, revealing a pretty woman with brown hair.

"Moira!" Charles was glad to see a familiar face in this unfamiliar place. But wait, he'd wiped her memory years ago. Before he could ask any questions, Moira marched over to the bed, yanking the rogue's arm.

"Logan,  _get out_. You know clients aren't supposed to stay overnight!"  _Oh, it's the cranky man from the bar._

The man--Logan--snorted. "Yeah, well, we were both pretty exhausted by the end of it, so..."  _Whatthefuck. Client? Wait. Did that mean_ he  _was...? And, he slept with this man._

Moira crossed her arms. "Look,  _Wolverine_ , or whatever it is they like to call you,  _I don't care_. Get the fuck out. Now."

Logan rolled his eyes but obeyed, getting out of the bed, standing in naked glory.  _Well, ouch, no wonder his back was killing him._

Charles quickly looked away, feeling embarrassed. But he wasn't blushing. Come to think of it, he hadn't before either? His body seemed unfazed by all this, but his mind...it felt like he was in the wrong body. He closed his eyes, thinking back. But they weren't his memories. Well, they were, but he hadn't ever experienced them. He could see them, his memories of Erik, the beach, Shaw standing side by side of a whole life of events that he  _knew_  he never experienced. But that was wrong. He had lived through all those. It was like unlocking and finding part of himself that had always been there, living with him, but he had never known about. And now there were together. He didn't understand.  _What the hell is this_ _?_

He's brought out of his thoughts by Moira, concern on her face. "He wasn't too rough with you was he?"  _Oh, but he liked it rough._ Charles' eyes widened.  _Where did that come from?_ He cleared his throat and noticed Logan was gone. 

He shook himself a little and smiled up at Moira. "I'm fine Moira. Just a little tired, but really, don't worry, I've had rougher." As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew they were true. He stopped himself from thinking about that, not wanting to "remember" any memories that would give reason to it.

Moira gave a soft sigh, leaning to Charles. She fluttered her lashes at him, giving a seductive smile. "Oh, Charles, only if we weren't coworkers, I'd ride you all day long." She traced a finger softly from his cheek, along his jaw and neck down to a nipple, circling it lightly with a nail before giving it a quick flick.

Charles jerked.  _Wait, what???_ He felt a slow burn, and desire curled in his body, the desire more to do with the flick to his nipple more than anything.   _Okay, wait, stop. Just stop._  He knew Moira was into him and he was interested in her a while back. Back before--well, before. He was astonished by this new, bold Moira.

Moira pulled away and gave an impatient and disappointed noise. "Wow, that damned ass. Guess Logan really did exhaust you. Well, I've got a few errands to run. Call me up if you ever bore of your weird-ass clients. Boss never has to know."

She threw him a wink and a flirty smile before leaving. Charles gaped for a moment at this strange Moira. He sighed, falling back onto the sheets. He had a lot to think about. He needed to sort everything out. And he needed help. He looked around listlessly before spotting a cellphone on the nightstand. He picked it up, unlocking it, the password coming easily to him. Looking through the contacts, he was surprised not by the sheer amount on there (though that was plenty shocking) but by  _who_  was on there. All of them had little descriptions, most insulting and snarky. Most of them were big names, names of heroes and agents and mutants. He stopped at one name, reading the description:

Wade Wilson

PSYCHOlogist

go-to guy for any weird shit

 

* * *

 

He didn't know what he was expecting, but not a man in some type of body suit and mask who talked to himself, alternating between a gruff voice and a hyper silly one. As he sat there, trying to describe what happened and reconciling both sets of lives, all Wade did was look at him gleefully. He tried to read the man's mind but he almost split his head with the massive headache threatening him at trying to break into those impenetrable walls.

There was awkward silence when Charles finished talking, Dr. Wilson scribbling something furiously in his notebook. Then he abruptly stopped, cackling madly.

"Hey, hey, fella, you really aren't Charlsey are you? Wow, there's so much angst and shit in your reality. Damn."

Charles blinked in shock, mouth gaping for a moment. "You believe me?"  _Why am I not fazed by him?_

"Tch, yeah, course I do. I mean, you tried to read my mind and last time he--you--did that, maaaassive headache! 'Sides, parallel universes aren't outta the realm of possibility." He pauses, his voice deepening on the next sentence. "I've seen and been through my fair share of shit."

"So, you'll help me get back Dr. Wilson?"  _What shit_. _'Dr. Wilson' feels weird on his mouth._

"Ahahahaha! Doctor? Well, I haven't been called that in a while! That is juuust too weird! No, no, call me Wade!. But why would you want to go back??? Isn't this place a hella better? All sex and fun and no worries! No paralysis! No Magdoucheo! Everyone wants some piece of your ass here!"

Charles sucked in a breath and let it out shakily. "Yes, that's fun and good, but what about my other self? There's got to be some rules right? You, know, with the whole time-space-continuum?" He decided to ignore all the other curiosities. He needed to focus.

"Oh, boy, Charlesy, you're so serious. Lighten up! 'Sides, maybe you're dead in that other place and this is your second chance!"

Charles shuddered at that possibility and briefly wondered how everyone he knew would react. He wondered if Erik or Raven would come to his funeral. If they would even know. He looked at Dr. Wilson--Wade. "And what about this Charles? It's wrong for me to take his life."

"But you two are the same! Doesn't matter! 'Sides, don't know how to help you with who put you here or getting back. I'm just your psychologist!"

Smiling, Charles leaned back. He knew how to do this. The knowledge came to him as easily as recalling 2 plus 2. "Wade, baby, what about I get some Spideypool action to you, hmmm? You may not know how to help me, but surely you know _someone_ who  _can_?"  _Oh shit, so this guy is Deadpool._

Wade stared at him, then stood up, he dashed towards Charles, using the coffee table between them to somersault over him. There was some rustling and shuffling. Before he could turn around, something cold was shoved in front of his face. Leaning back, he saw it was a wrapped frozen burrito. 

"What the--! Why are you giving me a burrito?" 

Suddenly, he was shoved back, a strong hand crushing his shoulder to the chair. The burrito was shoved closer to his face and was waved vehemently.

"This? This is a chimichanga!"

Charles stared at him incredulously. "It's a fried burrito."

"Yeah, and it has a proper name!"

 _Oh to hell with it._ Charles shoved back. "It's still a fucking burrito!"

Wade stared at him, unblinking (not that he could really tell with the mask and all, but that's what he imagined him to be doing). Then he laughed. "You're right! But  _chimichanga_  is so much more fun to say!"

Wade dropped the chimichanga onto his lap and walked back to his seat, perching on it. "Okay, fine, there's a list of people you can check out. Just deliver this to the Spidey babe. He pulled out a rubber chicken from the deep recesses of the sofa and scribbled somethings down on his notepad. 

"Okaaay! This--" he handed Charles the slip of paper, "--is for you Charlesy. They're people who might be able to help you. An thiiis--" he handed the rubber chicken to him as well, "--is for my baby."

Charles looked at the chicken dubiously. He shook his head and turned his attention to the paper. It was a list of names. He pointed to the last one. "What the hell does 'evil virgin' mean?"

Wade chuckled, which fell into maniacal laughter. Charles waited it out patiently. "Haha, I don't know, I just thought I'd put it there, you know?"

Charles let out a breath. He wasn't going to question it. He stood up. "Well, Wade, it was...nice talking to you--"

"Don't forget your chimichanga!"

He rolled his eyes, but picked it up and headed out the door. He heard a bright 'Bye, Charlesy' behind him as he left.

 

* * *

 

 

He stood at the Stark mansion doorsteps, peering at the massive amount of windows. The door did a brief scan of him then a pleasant robotic voice called out, "Welcome Charles," as the doors opened.  _Jarvis, I think the machine is called._

He stepped in, remembering the mansion and its great many rooms. 

Jarvis said, "I'll let them know you're here. Young master Peter is in his room."

"Ah, yes, thank you..." Charles said distractedly, looking at a nude painting of himself.  _Okay. What the hell. And I thought Wade was weird. But a nude painting of me definitely is a whole new level. Again, what the hell._

He was suddenly pushed against the wall, a hot breath at his ear. "Oh, baby, back for another threesome? I'm sure Steve will love it. He's been so stressed lately."

Charles blinked stupidly for a moment before memories of said threesome, multiple memories actually, came to him. He scowled and shoved back. Turing around, he said, "Not here for you, I'm here to see Peter."

Tony crossed his arms. "The boy? What do you want with him? Did he try to sneak into Hank's lab again? Because we've got plenty of nifty gadgets here. I don't get why he has to go over there."

"I..uh..am delivering..um...something! Yeah, I'm delivering something he left last time he..er...sneaked in."

Tony looked at him doubtfully. Charles shook the rubber chicken in front of him. "What the fuck? A rubber chicken? Really?"

Charles glared at him. " _Yes_. A rubber chicken. It kept looking at Hank weird and was seriously making him uncomfortable, okay? You, know, like those creepy dolls with the glass eyes."

Tony looked at him skeptically, but shook his head, moving out of his way. 

Charles stepped by, heading towards Peter's room. 

"Oh, hey, you staying for dinner?" Tony called to him.

He shook his head. "Can't. I got a lot of work to do."

"What, sex work?"

He rolled his eyes. "No, actual work, work. Like research work."

"Oh," Tony said disappointed. "Well, you ever want to help me and Cap spice things up, just call."

"Uh, yeah, I will." Charles quickly made away, impatient to look up the names Wade gave him.

He knocked on Peter's door and it opened quickly enough. "Charles! Hey, watcha doing here? Um, you're not here for  _that_ are you? 'Cuz I really rather not be a part of any of that..."

He gave a small laugh. "Don't worry, I'm not here for sex--"

"Ahhhalalala. Don't say it! I absolutely _do not_ want to hear about what you get up to with my dads!" He clapped his hands over his ears, screwing his eyes shut. stepping back to allow Charles in.

He rolled his eyes. "Please. You've done your fair share of getting up to with Wade."

Before the kid (he remembers him being 19) could protest indignantly (that's what his face and surface thoughts say anyways), Charles shoved the rubber chicken at him. He watched Peter blush redder than his spidersuit as he took the chicken in hand.  _Interesting._

"I..uh..this is..um--"

Charles held up a hand. "I really don't want to know. Sorry to drop off and run, but I've go to go."

He left quickly, thankful that he didn't get any more surprise visits from the members of the household, few as they were.

 

* * *

 

Charles woke up to the shrill ringing of his cellphone. He had spent the whole weekend glued to the computer and calling around, coming up with nothing. There was one last name, but it was the silly gag that Wade had put down. _Evil virgin huh. Not something usually associated with virgins._

He reached blindly for his phone, groaning.

"Hello?" he greeted groggily. He glanced at the time and winced. It was well past noon. He had work in a few hours.

"Charles? Hey, I need to talk to you. Can we meet?"

Charles is silent with shock. It's Raven! Here, Raven hadn't left him. They were on good terms! They--wait. He shifted briefly through his memories, this world's Charles'. No, they were still estranged. Apparently they were still fighting over the fact that she left to become a government agent. He mutation helped immensely in infiltration missions. He remembered calling her attention-starved and desperate to prove herself. And she calling him a slut and whore and all the synonyms under the sun. He grimaced.  _Well, some things never change, but this is a whole new level of brother-sister squabbling._ He wondered what had her calling him after all this time.

"Charles? Hello? Look, I'm really sorry about everything. And I understand you're angry, but please, just listen. I really need your help."

He sighed. Then, worried at the pleading tone. Raven, of both worlds, wouldn't plead. She was more likely to explode and turn to anger than apologize. "Love, alright, you don't need to plead. I'm still your brother. We can meet this afternoon at my house, if you want."

She seemed taken aback, at least that's what he thought from the silence on the other end. Well, to be fair, here, in this world, they weren't on the best of terms. To say something affectionate like that... Maybe he should act more callous? But no, he can't.  _It's been too long since I properly talked with her, in either world._

His sister collected herself. "Ah, yes, okay. I'll see you soon." She hangs up before he can say anything more.

 

* * *

 

 

"You want me to what!?" He looked at his sister in disbelief.

"Calm down, just listen--"

"Calm down? Listen? You really don't think much of me do you?"

"Charles, it's not that! Of course not! I respect you and think a great deal of you--"

" _Raven._ You want me to get in the pants of a criminal mastermind. Who has probably killed hundreds of people! It's that all I'm good for to you? Not a word all these years, and you come back demanding I sleep with some villain?"

Rage lit up her eyes. "Oh, get off your high horse. I'm sure you've slept with plenty of  _criminals_. We both know not all your clients are upstart gentlemen and goody-goodies!"

"Yes, but it's fucking business and completely consensual! Not to mention they go through a full screening process before being allowed anywhere near the courtesans! And none of them have planted a bomb in a concert hall or terrorized a hospital or any number of the things this guy has done. Besides, why me? There are a ton of others you could coerce or threaten into doing your bidding."

His sister looked like she was bout to say something, but she let out a breath, sighing, and closed her eyes briefly. Well, this was new. Raven stepping back to cool down? Yeah, definitely new.

When she opened her eyes again, there was a steel determination in them. "Just hear me out, okay? Please."

Charles sighed. "Fine, but this better be good."

"Okay, well, Agent X, as we like to call him, used to be one of ours. Our top agents, in fact." There was a brief dreamy look in her eyes, before they darkened. "But then he betrayed us. He stole a bunch of our weapons and freed a lot of prisoners, mutant, dangerous prisoners. He needs to be stopped. We have reason to believe he wants to destroy the world. Why he, or any villain, would when he lives here too..." She shakes her head.

"Okay, yes, but I still don't understand what  _I_ have to do with this."

Raven looks uncomfortable for a moment. "Well, that." She takes a deep breath. "We don't think he betrayed us of his on free will, not really at least. One of our last missions, he came in contact with a dangerous substance that is fueling his darker emotions, of rage and hate. Usually, the thing kills whatever it infects. In his case, it's different. He's...well, he's never slept with anyone before. The substance was from a place that held purity in high regard. And I guess being a virgin...equates to purity, which is so stupid. So, I think the poison--his hate and rage--is balanced by his purity, bodily anyways. We're hoping to disrupt that balance to leave him weak enough so we can apprehend him."

Charles stared at her. He thought of the last name on Wade's list. "Okay, really weird, and creepy. But I still don't see why I have to be the one to do it..."

She scowled at the table. "Yeah, that. Um, when we managed to find one of his bases, he got away, the place was covered in...you. Pictures and descriptions and maps."

He looked at her incredulously. " _Me?_ But...but how... How does he even know me? I've never even met him!"

Here expression changed to one of guilt. Before he could say anything, she held up a hand. "Let me explain. He and I, we were partners. Missions, we always had to go in at least pairs."

"And you liked him, right?"

"I did, for a while. I regretted our fight. And I wanted to reconcile with you so many times, but I..I was a coward. He was there, helped me, advised me. He was such a gentleman, caring, and considerate. He was patient, which says a lot. I confessed but he turned me down. I was so angry, I shouldn't have let my emotions get in the way. I jeopardized the mission. It was my fault he's like this now. I was so horrible to him!" She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "You know how horrible I can be when I'm hurt and angry. And he still saved me."

"Oh, Raven, darling." Charles came around and hugged her to him. "Shh."

She composed herself and pushed against him. Raven shook her head. "No, brother, I don't deserve your kindness and comfort. It's my fault too why he's obsessing over you so much. I talked about you nonstop. I always admired you and there was someone I could express that to without being embarrassed of afraid of the hurt I've put you through."

He smiled at her. "It's not your fault if you wanted to flaunt your gorgeous, brilliant brother!"

She gave a small laugh. "Thank you Charles. Thank you for being so forgiving, for being you. I actually didn't want you to have any part of it. The man is psychotic. I never knew he had so much rage and anger and hurt bottled up inside him. But Director Nick Fury gave an order to ask you."

Charles scoffed. "Just ask?"

She grimaced. "He said to use any means necessary to convince you to our cause."

Charles sighed. "Well, is he at least hot?"

"Charles!"

"What? I can be shallow about this, he's evil! Besides, he must be if he caught your attention."

She crossed her arms indignantly. "I became attracted to his  _personality._  But yes, he is smoking hot."

"Alright, fine, I'll do it. I'll just treat it as work. You better not let him kill me or something though."

"Of course not! Brother, we may have our differences, but I do love you very much." She takes out a picture, handing it to him and he nearly gasps.

Before she's even saying his name, he knows immediately the glass-green eyes, the auburn hair, strong jaw.  _Erik_. But this Erik was less burdened, looked less like the world was crushing him, free of Shaw's shadow, at least it seemed. He had such a beautiful, carefree smile on his face.

Then, he burst out laughing. 

Raven looked startled, in the middle f saying something. "What? What's so funny?"

Charles shook his head. "I..it's just that..really?  _Hes's_ a virgin?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Charles, as hot as he is, he has not had sex...yet."

 _Well, fine, mind, heart, I admit it, I like Erik But he got me paralyzed and took Raven away. Not exactly romantic, is he? But well, this Erik is evil too._ Was he attracted to sociopaths or something?  _No, just sociopathic magnetismic men who have rage issues,_ a small voice said.  _Oh shut up you_.

Charles gave her a slow, curling smile. "Operation Devirginizing Erik is a go."

**Author's Note:**

> I'll update No Stars, but it's a slow-ish build to the actual action, and I need time for that. But I couldn't get this out of my head, so here. So, this story is complete. If anyone wants to continue it or something, feel free, but please link me because I'm interested in how this could go. I might "finish" in that Charles successfully (or not) screws Erik and completes the mission and maybe goes back to his own universe, but I don't have the mindset to write smut right now or drama.


End file.
